However, looking back through this last year, I realized that it's been quite a 'cruise control' type of year. Last year, I was recovering from maternity leave and it was tough for me to go back to work. We changed schools with the kids midyear and raised an infant. We just continued with our heads down with our jobs and responsibilities.
Then, there was one day that just made me think about the fact that where we are locationally is where we need to comfortably call home until the Lord moves us elsewhere. We've been moving for so many years that this is the first place that I know we are going to stay at least for a little while. I also realized that the more I just put the kids to bed so I can have quiet time, or the more I just keep running from place to place; checking off my list, the list will just keep growing, but life is passing by.
I see the kids growing up in front of me and I wonder if I am teaching them what I've always told myself I wanted to teach them? Do they know Jesus or are they just going to church? Is my marriage on coast or am I doing everything I can to make it better, deeper, more meaningful? Am I really communicating to people around me that I care about them or am I just staying busy doing things to say that I care.
There's just so much to gain and so much to lose in this life if we're not careful to focus our attention on the right things.
Beginning tomorrow is a brand new year of life for me. It will include our 12th anniversary, another slue of holidays, another school year and children turning 2, 7, and 9. I believe that it will also include some major faith projects coming to fruition, but the question that I have for myself is AM I INTENTIONALLY INVESTING IN WHAT'S ETERNAL, RELATIONAL, AND MINE.
Is what I'm doing just spinning wheels, wearing myself out? Or am I making an impact? Does my husband know that I care, that I listen, that I do what he asks and that I do respect him? Do my kids know that they are important, that they are worth my time, that I do have time to play, and that God has a plan for them? Am I eating well, taking care of my body, my soul, my spirit? Am I taking time to rest and to play? Am I stewarding my money, my possessions and resources well? Am I doing what God told me to do, or just what I want?
That might seem a little heavy, but in my 33 years, I've seen how people waste their lives chasing after dreams without God's wisdom. I've seen them use up all their energy on things that don't matter or that will never be finished. I've seen people stay broke, sick, frustrated and unfulfilled; and I am just determined not to be one of them.
This year is the year I promise not to be perfect. I promise to not have all the answers or to be able to fix every problem. I promise to do the best that I can by leaning on Jesus for every moment that I live and by loving my family as fiercely as I can. I promise to grow from my mistakes and through the proving of my faith.
My goals are to accept more quickly when I am wrong and apologize, but also to change and forgive. My goals are to put important things first, and allow everything else to fall into place. My goal is to have less of me and more of Him. My goal is the make more space for my wellness and making memories.
This is it 33! Here comes a brand new 34!
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